Stress

Stress is a weird thing. It can effect all people differently.

I mentioned a few weeks ago that March was to be a busy month for us, and that I was already feeling overwhelmed. Then Jenny got sick, and suddenly it just felt like everything started to unravel in our house. Seems like one thing after another, little things, big things, health related, house related, etc, it just keeps hitting. (Just for the record, I do not in ANY way blame Jenny for this... God is just throwing us a curve ball right now to see how we can handle it.)

My health has taken a new turn as well. I'm not sure whether its from my new migraine medication, or whether its stress, but my heart has been skipping beats. Some days it happens only once, other days it happens more often. I mentioned it to my doctor on tuesday and she seemed to think that it was stress. She said it was extremely common, wasnt worried about it, but put me on a 24 hour heart monitor anyways (I think she was humoring me.) Of course, it only happened a total of 3 times in that 24 hour period though. I havent gotten any results back yet on that heart monitoring. Oh, and since my last appointment a month ago when I started on my new migraine medication, I have lost 6 pounds, which was a little alarming to my doctor since i'm at an acceptable weight now. (no, i havent been trying to lose any more weight) My stomachs been in knots over the last couple weeks so i've found it difficult to eat large amounts. Stress.

Jadon is having a really difficult time dealing with the events of the past week. Last sunday we went to see Jenny, and he wanted to go back and see her, so we let him. I think it hit home with him, and he's been worried ever since. Worried for her. That night he wouldnt go to sleep because he was worried that Aunt Jenny would never wake up. He's also scared to death he is going to get sick and end up in the hospital with things attached to all ends of him. He seems to be having some kind of separation anxiety with us at night, so we've had to stay with him in his room until he falls asleep, and we've had to leave his bedroom lamp on all night. He doesnt want to go to school or to his birthday party because he has a bit of a cold and doesnt want to make his friends sick. He's so paranoid about anything related to illnesses, sicknesses, hospitals, doctors, etc. We have to be careful to word everything cheerfully and in a very easy going way so as not to scare him, and anything else has to be talked about when he is not within earshot. I hope he eventually gets over this, but its really hard watching him worry like this right now. This, of course, makes me worry more.... its a vicious cycle.

I just feel like between Derek, Jadon and I, we are all feeling so broken- mostly emotionally and mentally. Sometimes I wish I were a turtle so I could just pull my head into my shell and block out everything going on around me.
But then i'd still be left alone with my thoughts....