Merry Christmas

Hope you all had a very merry Christmas!  I can't believe its already here and gone.

This year I didn't send out Christmas cards, I didn't have time to do so. Plus with everything packed in boxes, I just feel overwhelmed and cramped and unorganized (we all know how I function better when i'm organized!) my to-do list was 100 miles long and I just couldn't bring myself to add Christmas cards to the list. I fully intend to next year! But I can't make any promises ;)

I keep hearing from people, including myself, that this year just didn't feel like Christmas. And I can't pinpoint why exactly. Perhaps for us it was because we aren't "home", and we don't have decorations set up, and our tree is a 4 ft, fake tree that had no lights (until Santa put lights on it.)  Or maybe its just because we've been too busy to actually sit back and enjoy the season. I know for me, for an entire week after the Connecticut shooting, I felt like I was in a trance. I just couldn't fathom what had happened in that elementary school, and it affected me very deeply. Its just hard to understand the horror that was taking place there, while for the rest of us life just continued on as normal. Here we were, preparing for the upcoming holiday with our babies and families, while these poor families were grieving over the deaths of their young children who should not have died in their school where they were supposed to be safe. It just didn't seem right.

Whatever the reason, it just didn't seem like Christmas this year.

Regardless, we are so blessed to have such wonderful families, both close by and far away.  We couldn't ask for better. Thank you for being a part of our lives.

I'll end this post with a few of the more "memorable" pictures from Christmas :)

Not sure what this face was from!

Cousins

In the next few pictures, Tinkerbell was mad that her new makeup case that she got from her fashionista aunt was taken away for the picture since I caught her with a thing of nail polish opened...ready to paint her own fingernails i'm guessing.  So she was unwilling to cooperate for this set of pictures, but at least her big brother was a good boy and sat nicely for it! 

 She certainly is dramatic, isn't she?

Here's our lowly little tree on Christmas morning

Jadon is so excited to open presents!  But we are waiting for Avery to wake up.  He was bouncing all over the house!  We got a video of it. :)

She finally got up. Unfortunately we can't get a "normal" picture of them, only goofy ones. Notice the pink eye cover thingy around her neck.  That came with her beauty case that she got from her Aunt (mentioned above and pictured in the photo with Avery and Brooke)... Avery insisted on wearing that all night long on Christmas eve.  She's so silly! 

And finally, Christmas morning at Gramma Karla's. We sure are glad to have gotten to spend Christmas with that lovely girl this year, even if it was for only an hour. 

Very sweet to horribly bitter

Friday was a very bitter sweet day, except in the other order- sweet bitter.

The day started out good.  Derek and I volunteered to help out in Jadon's kindergarten classroom for his christmas party.... sorry, HOLIDAY party. Gramma D came to watch Avery so we could have that time with Jadon, and we enjoyed being in his classroom, seeing him and his classmates and his teacher, and seeing a bit of what they do during the day before the party started. 

Jadon was very happy to have us there and wanted us to stay even after the party was over. But the rest of his day consisted of recess and library (tough day!!) ;)

That was the sweet part of the day. 

Later in the day I was on my computer and that's when I found out about the shooting in the CT elementary school and I started sobbing instantly. After having just been in Jadon's class with all those sweet, innocent little children, I kept thinking of their little faces and how unfair it was for those children that were shot and their poor families. What kind of world do we live in where we can't even take our kids to their elementary school without fearing for their safety?? They were mostly kindergartners (correction: I just read that now they were all first graders).... Jadon's age! Its just something that my mind can't wrap around.  HOW does someone do this???  HOW does someone kill another human being, let alone a CHILD?! 

At that point, Avery asked me why I was sad, and Jadon asked if I missed the old house again.  I said "noo." What do you say?  There's no way I'm telling them what happened, they don't need to hear about this,  this is almost too awful for even adults to hear. So I just told them that the reason I was crying was because there are some very bad people in the world. 

So now while the rest of us are spending the holidays holding our children, these poor families had that joy ripped from them. And for the rest of their lives this time of year will be a constant reminder to them of what happened. 

And what does this mean for us?  Well, Jadon's school already goes on lock down after the bell rings, so that is good.  Everyone who enters the school must be approved through the office staff first, sign in, and wear a visitor name badge. 

This only makes me teeny teeny tiny better. The office staff can only do so much to fend off someone that forces their way in, especially since they are behind a desk. And if the person comes in with a gun, they are defenseless. So basically the lock down only makes me feel better about some creep who wants to come kidnap kids from the school.... but not from some psychopath wanting to come shoot up a school.

Basically its just one more thing that i'm going to worry about. I always worry when i'm away from my kids anyways, might as well add school time to the worry list too!

Be still and wait

I realize I haven't been a very good blogger this year at all!  In fact, in comparison to other years where I've had over 100 posts every year, this will be my 50th post for this year and its almost over!  Sorry Grandma!!!

Not much happening here, just trying to pass the time and stay sane!  I'll admit its been hard for me leaving my house to come to a tiny, stinky rental.  As I look back over the last month and a half, I feel a little pity for myself in those first couple weeks when I felt like life was just a terrible tornado.  Boxes everywhere, bugs everywhere, no order whatsoever in my mind where I like to have everything perfectly in order. On top of that, I was dealing with sadness over leaving our house....yes, its just a house, and i'm sure everyone thinks i'm nuts for holding on to it so dearly, but it was our first house, and we made it into a home, brought our babies home there, and made irreplaceable memories there. And since i'm a sentimental schmuck, leaving my house that I loved dearly to come to a drab, dreary, dark, ant infested, teeny, tiny, smelly rental house across town, was difficult.

I had a couple days of heart palpitations again a couple weeks after being here, as well as some sleepless nights. Luckily I got that intense stress level under control and the heart palps stopped after a couple days, and the sleepless nights after a week or so, although every once in awhile I still have several nights where I don't sleep well.

I've done my share of whining and complaining, which I really hate. I certainly don't like complaining, and I don't like for my kids to witness it. That's a super example to set!!  Even though I was complaining, deep down i'm so grateful.  Grateful to have had our house to love, grateful for a roof over our heads now, grateful that its temporary ;).  Grateful for what the future holds! I know living here will only make me even that much more grateful for our new house, wherever that may be!

In the midst of my turmoil, I came across a bible verse that made me just STOP.  I've had it posted on my computer desktop ever since and I see it every time i'm on my computer, and it's a perfect reminder for me when i'm feeling pressed.
"Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act." Psalm 37:7
When we moved, I felt like nothing was going as planned, there were no houses for sale that we were interested in, and I felt impatient and irritable, after all, I don't want to be in this rental any longer than we have to be! And when I came across this verse I realized I needed to just stop, as I mentioned before. And instead of trying to make things happen on MY time, let things happen on HIS time, because His timing is perfect. And sure enough, when I did that, things started to happen........... :)

So now i'm taking each day as it comes.  I try to dress nicer a couple days a week rather than just throwing on my most comfortable clothes, which are also the least inspiring. I'm back to grocery shopping at winco, something that I had put off doing because I just didn't want to, it too much effort, and instead we just went to nearby grocery stores which were also more expensive.
I try to keep up on the housework, which is pretty easy when the house is 900+ sq ft.  The kitchen HAS to be kept clean almost constantly or its not usable, and i'm not just exaggerating.

Unfortunately, our vacuum is completely disgusting  and we will be buying a new one for our new house. There's just no way we are going to use this vacuum on a new house! The carpet in this place is filthy, even after 2 shampoos.  I'm convinced the previous tenants did not vacuum once in the 2 years they were here.... especially considering there were 20 places of chewed gum embedded in the carpet! I'll put it this way, I vacuum here 2 times a week at least, sometimes more. The canister is filled with dirt and dust, and the filter is completely disgusting as well. The whole thing has a layer of dust caked onto it.  Imagine what it will be like by the time we move, if this is how its like and its only been a month and a half!

The kids are doing good.  Jadon's two front top teeth are loose, and have been for awhile, but he does not wiggle his teeth, so it takes forever for him to lose teeth. So, because of this, the same thing that happened with his bottom teeth is now happening to his top teeth- the adult tooth is growing in in front of the baby tooth. For some reason, he is not excited about losing his teeth, it causes him anxiety.  Never met a kid that wasn't excited to lose teeth! He's the first! So last night it caused him some anxiety, which always causes him to have sleeping problems. So 4am rolled around and he was up and in our room telling us that he couldn't sleep, he wasn't tired, he was hot, every excuse in the book, yada yada yada....

So i've decided that its time the kids have some chores.  Its something I probably should have implemented a while ago, but this whole year has been sortof a whirlwind of crazy so that didn't even cross my mind.  But tomorrow we will be starting chores.  Without allowance. Thankfully Derek and I agree on that.  Neither of us was raised with an allowance, and we don't think its necessary.  We are a family, and a team, and each member of the team needs to contribute to make the team run smoothly. They don't need to be paid for this. Kids these days are so overindulged! They have enough toys to have their own toy store, they get paid for everything, and the tooth fairy apparently gives out twenties to some kids!!!!