Happy New Year!

I am so ready to leave this year behind and start a fresh new one! I'm hoping and praying that the new year will turn out a little better than this year has, but I certainly have my doubts.

Anyways, I made a new slideshow of Jadon for this year. I got rave reviews from many of you on last years slideshow and many requests to continue doing it every year. It starts from Jan. 1st, 2008, and goes in order from there to today. It was quite a year of growing and learning for him! From swimming lessons, turning 1, getting that mystery nasty rash on his body, as well as all the holidays! Learning to walk and then run, to use a spoon, and talk. Finally sleeping through the night, then waking up several times a night, then sleeping all night, then waking up.... its been a neverending cycle, and we have come to the conclusion that the weeks where he is waking up at night, he is reaching a new developmental milestone. Usually after a couple weeks of bad nights, he goes back to sleeping all night again until he is ready to reach another milestone.

I really enjoy making these slideshows and looking back over the year at all of Jadon's accomplishments. This years slideshow was especially meaningful to me to create, after having such a crappy string of miscarriages. Out of 5 pregnancies, Jadon is the only one that made it all the way (well, almost all the way), and to me he is a complete miracle. This journey of motherhood has been such a blessing to me, and i'm so grateful that God chose me to be Jadon's mommy!

Christmas Day

Christmas day started for me at 6:45am when my alarm went off. Not wanting to get out of the warm blankets yet, I laid there for 15 more minutes. At 7am the baby monitor next to me made a loud noise then started beeping that it had lost connection, so I was fidgetting with it trying to get it to go back on, then I realized that the power went out in the whole house. "Oh great!" I said aloud, and somehow that woke Derek up which is crazy because he doesnt wake up for anything!
So, I went and got Jadon and brought him to our bed to sleep some more and where we could keep our ears on him. He had not wanted to go to sleep the night before, so we knew he'd be sleeping a little longer. I could have sworn that in the semi darkness outside that it looked like there was a tiny dusting of snow on the ground. I thought it was just too dark and my eyes were playing tricks on me. Derek got up a few minutes later to see if the rest of the neighborhood was without power as well. When he came back to bed he said it looked like a dusting of snow on the ground, but thought the same thing I thought. Shortly after that Jadon woke up, so we all got up, and sure enough, there was just the tiniest dusting on the ground, but was already melting. I consider that a Christmas miracle!!
So after we got up, we ate breakfast, then Derek read the story of Jesus birth from the bible while I listened, and Jadon played with his toys from the night before. I was so eager for Jadon and Derek to open their presents so I insisted we start opening them right away after Derek finished reading.
As usual, Derek and I went waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay overboard on our gifts for each other. Derek got mostly clothes from me, and I got mostly electronics from him.... very strange because usually I am the one getting clothes and he is the one getting electronics. However, Derek was in need of several clothing items this year, including a winter jacket. He hasnt had a heavy winter jacket since I have known him, which is almost 10 years.
Derek got me an mp3 player so that when I use my treadmill, I wont have to use my big, bulky discman anymore. He also got me WiiFit, which I asked for. Although its more of a gift for both of us. We have been having lots of fun on it after Jadon goes to bed at night, and my goal is to lose 15 pounds in 2 months, and Dereks goal is to gain 5 pounds in 2 months. Its pretty fun, and the funniest part is seeing Derek trying to do the hula hoop excersize! I hope to get a video of him doing it, but i'll have to get it without him knowing. Its so hilarious, he looks like he's doing a booty dance, or giving a lap dance or something! Yesterday I was in tears watching him do it!

So after our little christmas, we headed over to Derek's family christmas. We opened presents there and relaxed, then Derek and I came home to feed Jadon a little lunch and get a nap. Then we went back to his families house for more socializing, dinner and game playing. It was a very relaxing day, and it just wouldnt be christmas if Karla didnt start the marshmellows on the sweet potatoes on fire! ;)

Overall, it was a wonderful christmas eve and christmas day, and like I said in my previous post, the contrast between the my families christmas and Dereks families christmas is such a perfect one, and I love them both!

Thank you to all our family for making the days so special! We love you all!!!

Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve evening is always spent at my families house. We have a little socializing, then we eat dinner, then we open gifts, then more socializing. Its extremely crazy every year, and every year my mom insists she is not getting anybody gifts (except the kids), but every year she ends up getting everyone a ton of stuff. This year was no exception!

Anyway, when it comes to gift time, we all gather in the living room, although we hardly fit there anymore, and the kids pass out all the gifts at once to everyone in a frenzy of excitement! Then after everyone has all their gifts, we just tear into them. Its crazy, but I love it, and I wouldnt have it any other way! Derek always feels a little overwhelmed by it all, but it just wouldnt be the same if we didn't do it that way. Plus, the family is getting so big, we would be there all night long if we all took turns opening gifts!!

So this year I decided to take a video of the chaos that is my family's christmas, and share the madness with you all! The video does not do it justice! It actually looks fairly calm on this tiny video!

Derek and I found an area near the tree to open our gifts, so here is a video of Jadon opening his gifts. Last year he had no idea, this year he opened a few, then got bored with it.

My mom always has the most beautiful christmas trees! Every year they have a different theme too. This year she did her tree in all gold. So pretty!!!

She also has several other smaller, fake christmas trees around the house. One of them is in the kitchen area.... she bought a big train and tracks and it was going around the tree. Jadon was in love with that train and the "mote" (remote) that goes to the train!! We "won" the train, so we got to bring it home and will set it up at some point. I'm not sure where we are going to put it in our tiny house!
Christmas morning we will get up early and open our gifts from each other and to Jadon, then we will head over to Derek's families christmas, which is much calmer than my families! Its a nice contrast between the two different christmas' and I feel very blessed to have two wonderful families!
Well, its late and time to go to bed now! Merry Christmas everyone!!!

With all this crazy weather we've been having lately, I was able to divert my thoughts away from the mess thats going on in my life for a good week. It was nice to not be constantly thinking about it every second of the day. Then I went to get my blood redrawn yesterday so they could finally run the last test. As I was sitting in the chair waiting for him to take my blood, all I could think to myself was "remember why you're here?" -Ouch- nice blow to the stomach.


Anyways, sometimes I wonder if God gave me such a perfect little guy (Jadon) now because I will never be able to have more kids. I know I know, i'm getting carried away with my thoughts on that one, and when Derek reads it he is going to scold me for being so pessimistic. He's a "glass is always half full" kind of guy and i'm the "glass is always half empty" one, or as I like to say, I'm just being realistic.


I have decided that I want to learn to play the guitar. Haha, go ahead and laugh, but I think I need a new hobby and a distraction. Plus, when Jadon gets older I really want him to play an instrument, and maybe I could teach him to play guitar so we wouldnt have to do expensive lessons. They actually have an "acoustic guitar for dummies" book, and it comes with a guitar and some other little things! I think they have a "dummies" book about pretty much anything!

It is finished

I think our snow streak has ended. They were predicting we'd get more overnight, but that didnt happen, and it appears to be raining now. Sounds like our friends up north of us are getting some more snow however. I'm feeling pretty disappointed about not getting more. Yesterday we woke up to lots of great snow to play in, so I took Jadon out in the morning and we played for an hour. It was fun, but unfortunately Derek couldnt play with us because he was at work. Derek was pretty bummed about that too, so we were really hoping for some more snow this morning so that Derek could play in it with Jadon.

Snowfall

I always love to watch the snow fall, especially when its alot of big, fat flakes! Theres just something so calm and peaceful about it, and I still feel that childlike excitement everytime it snows! Anyways, miracle of all miracles, we are actually having MORE snow!!! So for our friends and family in warmer climates, I took a few short videos of the snowfall so you can enjoy the beauty with us! Hope you enjoy them!! Unfortunately the videos just do not do the beauty of it any justice. Oh, and the floating christmas tree in the second half is a reflection of our christmas tree in the living room.

Soooo Coldddddd!!!

I'm pretty sure that the banana tree that I planted this summer in the back yard will not be surviving to see another summer. It has been sooooo cold here the last couple of days....as I am typing this post it is only 14F degrees! I glanced at the banana tree really quickly the other morning when we took Jadon outside in the snow, and it did not look very happy at all.

Derek had a funny thought this morning. He said "I bet that the temperature outside is about the same as the temperature in the freezer." Very weird. So I guess I could just go put all of our freezer items outside and they'd be fine! I think it only got to 29 degrees today. Jadon and I again bundled up and headed outside in the warmest part of the day, and it took us about a half hour to walk down the road to get the mail and back. Jadon was afraid to walk on the snow and ice for some reason today, even though yesterday he was fine with it. He made me hold his hand the whole way, which is fine, I like holding his little hand while we walk together. By the time we got back I thought for sure my toes were frost bitten. And once we got inside and as I was stripping all the layers I had put on Jadon, I felt his little hands and feet, and he was actually quite warm! I guess the warm boots and fleece gloves and hat were doing their job!

Tomorrow its supposed to warm up, but they are forecasting more snow and then rain in the afternoon. If the roads improve at all, I am going to think about going to town to get some envelopes so I can finally mail christmas cards. Plus, Jadon and I are getting bored being cooped up in the house.

All I can say is, this weather is very abnormal, especially for this time of year! Derek and I are not huge fans of cold weather, and right now we are wishing we were in Florida with my grandparents, or in Hawaii with our friends the Georgievs!

Snow Day!

So I woke up at 6am on Sunday morning, and there was a dusting of snow on the ground, I was really excited but went back to bed. By the time I got up with Jadon at 7:45am, the snow was already melting, and the temperature was 34F. By noon it had all melted away... Very disappointing.

Then last night it started snowing again, and the temperature was dropping quickly. Unfortunately it snowed the very dry kind of snow that isnt much fun to play in... it doesnt pack well. On top of that, its REALLY cold out, so its not much fun being outside. I took Jadon outside for about 3 minutes this morning so I could get some pictures as evidence that we actually have some snow! In the Willamette valley, you need to take pictures anytime theres snow on the ground as evidence because its pretty rare that we ever get anything worth getting excited over. So anyways, I got a few pictures of Jadon in the snow before he pulled his mittens off, and before we completely froze through. Then this afternoon when it had warmed up to a balmy 28 degrees, Jadon and I bundled up and took a walk..... although the sidewalks and road were really slippery, so it took us about 20 minutes to walk to the end of our street, and then back again.

Anyways, here's pictures from this morning that I took really quick before the camera battery died! Jadon was a little concerned walking in it..... by the way, I forgot to mention that we got a whopping 1.5 inches!!!! WooHoo!!

Anyways, the forecast for the next few days is this: VERY cold tonight... supposed to be 15 degrees. YIKES! Clear, sunny and freezing on tuesday with a high of 32F. Wednesday, looks like snow/rain mix, and then thursday and friday looks like more of the white stuff!! At least at this point.... It always changes though. The stinky part is that the roads are all slippery, so Jadon and I will probably be stuck in the house for the next 5 days unless the ice clears. I love the snow, but not the ice.

Saturday this and that...

The lab called yesterday afternoon about my final lab order. I was thinking she was going to tell me that it was positive and thats why she was calling... I thought it was a little odd that the lab tech called to tell me that, and not my doctor. However, she was just informing me that they lost that last lab order so I would need to go in and get my blood redrawn. GRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That WOULD happen!

On a different note, it looks like we might get some snow here in the next couple of days! I'm keeping my fingers crossed!! We also are forecast to get some really low temperatures in the very near future as well, and the newspaper this morning said something about freezing rain too.

Well, Jadon has recently started saying 2 and 3 word sentences. He says "sit down", "watch out", "come on", and "There it is!" Before we know it, he will be carrying on understandable conversations with us! Oh, my little man.... he's growing up so fast! I wish I could keep him this age forever!
Last month he was really into books.... this month its puzzles. I look forward to seeing what next months fad will be! ;)

Have a great Saturday everyone!

More Results

I got another one of my test results in the mail today, for the chromosome analysis. It was also negative. So, just one more left (MTHFR mutation), and I am sure that one is probably a negative as well.
I have a feeling that the cause of all of these miscarriages is from my hormone levels just not rising like they should during pregnancy... and that is really frustrating. However, it is reassuring to know that my OB is going to put me on baby aspirin and progesterone suppositories as a precautionary the next time I get pregnant.

I have thought over and over about when we might try to get pregnant again, and had mentioned that maybe in January we would try again. However, since this last miscarriage has really been hard on me, I decided that it would probably be best to wait for awhile so that I can heal emotionally, even though I don't think I will ever completely heal. I really feel God urging me to wait on Him so he can teach me patience and perseverance. Everytime I think about trying again right away, I hear a voice in my head say "wait." Thats it, just "wait." Its a tough pill for me to swallow, but so is the thought of another miscarriage.

I'm trying to think of the positive side of waiting: I get more time to spend and devote to my beautiful son, who is growing up way too quickly. Jadon will be older by then, and probably more able to understand. Plus, it might give us some time for potty training, and moving him into a toddler bed.

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree

We got our Christmas tree the other night, courtesy of Steve and Karla (by the way, thanks again!). It just so happened that they had an extra tree lying around, and offered it to us. I love how God always takes care of us in little ways like that!

Anyways, we put it up that same night. I didnt want it laying in the garage until the next night.... one of our cats is a bigtime sprayer and I didnt want him spraying the tree because then it would reak once we brought it in. Derek struggled with getting it into the stand, as he does every year. Finally at 9:30pm, he made a run to Fred Meyers and bought a new tree stand. I had to put the lights on it once we got the tree up, because I wanted Jadon to see the "pretties" (the lights) when he woke up the next morning! Plus I wanted him to adjust to the tree before we put the ornaments on it.

He tried to play with the lights several times during the next day, and also unplugged them 3 times and an attempted 4th time but I caught him in the act. We decided it would be best to not use any of our breakable ornaments this year, and to only put them on the top half of the tree....we know our son, and he is Curious George. We know he would never leave the tree alone if there was something on it that he wanted. We did give him one of my homemade ornaments from when I was little to play with and hang on the tree as he pleases, but as of right now its laying on the kitchen floor.

Here's a picture of our sad tree.... half naked... angel is too small.... i'm still trying to adjust to the LED lights we bought for it. They are great lights, and they dont get the least bit hot (or warm) but they are blinding, and sometimes if you look at a light at a certain angle, you can almost feel your retinas burning!

I'll post another picture of it as Christmas gets closer, and after I put the presents under it..... and hopefully I'll get a picture of Jadon in front of it too if he will cooperate! :)

The Results Are In....***UPDATED***

Two of my test results came in yesterday. Diabetes and thyroid. Both were normal, so neither of those things have been causing the miscarriages. Darn it, I was sortof hoping that it would have been my thyroid so at least i would have an answer and an easy fix. I'm still waiting to hear the results of the other 3 tests: the chromosome analysis, Factor V Leiden mutation (a blood clotting disorder), and MTHFR mutation (some kind of disorder that effects how you absorb certain vitamins, i think.)
I feel kindof in shock about all of this. I never in a million years thought id have to deal with fertility issues. On top of that, my wonderful monthly friend decided to show her ugly face yesterday.... 33 days after my last miscarriage. It never ceases to amaze me how quickly my body always goes back to normal after having a miscarriage..... almost like I never even had a miscarriage. The first "Aunt Flo" after a miscarriage is always the worst because until she shows up, theres always that little tiny spark of hope that maybe, just maybe, it wasn't really a miscarriage that I had. However, since I actually have seen 2 out of 4 of the babies that I miscarried, I was holding out hope that I had been pregnant with twins and only lost one of them. Crazy, I know. Unfortunately it didnt work that way though, and there will be no baby in my arms come February, or April, or June as I had thought each time.

***UPDATE***
Also got results today of Factor V Leiden.... also a negative.

Perfectly Put

I follow several blogs other than our friends/family blogs. I found a website awhile back for people who have had miscarriages or pregnancy losses and at this website, people post their blogs for other people to read. The topic of all of these blogs is the same: overcoming grief after having been through a miscarriage/stillbirth. So i found several that i have bookmarked of amazing christian women who are going through the grief of losses, and i follow them almost every day. Its nice to read the way these women are feeling each day, whether they are feeling great one day, and crappy the next day.... its nice to know that what i am feeling is normal, because i feel that sometimes i am misunderstood.

Anyways, on one particular blog, this lady was talking about all that she was thankful for this thanksgiving. She had lost a baby boy at 19 weeks of pregnancy earlier in this year. Anyways, one thing that she wrote was just perfect to how i feel but could never think of how to word it. Heres what she said.... actually she didnt write these words, she actually read them from somewhere else, but still, this was typed in her blog:

“I think the important element is to recognize that we don't give thanks for the circumstances themselves directly, but give thanks for how they bring us to a place of emptiness that allows us to be more filled by Him. We give thanks for HIM being glorified and being sufficient THROUGH pain and suffering. So somehow, we don't elevate the ‘things’ to a position of ‘gifts’ from His hand, but we recognize that things that rob us, allow Him to restore us. Things that empty us, allow Him to fill us, things that knock us on our faces, allow us to be carried by Him, things that tear us down, allow us to be built up by Him. So we don't give thanks for the things in and of themselves, but for how they provide opportunity for us to truly be filled and blessed by the The Great Physician. We don't give thanks for the ailment, but we give thanks that He heals, He restores, He is making all things new and perfect in His glorious way and timing. And He is all we need.”

I just think that is so wonderful! Perfectly put, and so true! But its also a hard pill to swallow sometimes! After my miscarriages, and especially after my most recent one, I have a totally different look at life. I find that I am asking the Lord for more help in healing and dealing with this. Its been a very rough and bumpy road, and im sure its going to be a long one, and one that I'm sure I will never forget. I just hope that I can someday use my unfortunate "experience" to help other women who are going through a similar situation.