I woke up today feeling sorry for myself and also feeling very angry. We didn't have anything planned today and I just felt like staying home and sulking anyways, so we did pretty much nothing today. When Jadon went down for a nap, I grabbed a book and laid on the couch and read the whole time. I had a few cramps this afternoon, but nothing like whats to come. I'm hoping the miscarriage will happen this weekend while Derek is home with me, and that way he can be here to take care of me and Jadon, but mostly so I don't have to wait any longer for it to happen. The worst part is knowing there is a living little being in me, with a heartbeat and everything, and knowing that it doesn't have a chance at life.
On top of that, I gained 5 lbs within the first 2 weeks of this pregnancy, and with the way i've eaten the last couple of days, i'm sure i've gained another 5 lbs. I'm such an emotional eater, its not even funny! Whats worse is that I don't even really care.... I figure i'll "care" a little more after this ordeal is done and over, and i've had a chance to grieve, accept and move on.
Anyways, thats how most of the day went. This evening we did a few fireworks with Jadon. We bought a few little ones that didn't make too much noise. Unfortunately the neighbors had some illegal fireworks and were setting them off starting before 8pm until about 10:30pm... they were very loud and really scared Jadon. He didn't go to sleep until shortly after they stopped. Poor guy was horribly tired!
We did manage to snap a few pictures, so here they are:
1 comment:
Hey guys, my prayers are with you. I can't fully understand what you're going through, but know that I love you guys and I am here for you if you need anything, I am always willing ot babysit if you want to get away just the two of you. Chins up, God won't give you anything you can't handle.
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