Today I got my Progesterone refilled! For me, that was just another milestone to gladly be reached! After getting it, I got back into my car, and felt so relieved and happy to have reached this far that I almost cried. This pregnancy has been nothing but milestones.
First trimester, every day that passed successfully was a new milestone reached. Also, making it to each appt was a milestone. Other milestones: Getting to second trimester, making it to 16 weeks when i would start the progesterone shots, feeling baby moving, making it to the big ultrasound, making it to 24 weeks (viability).
From here, I have so much more confidence in this, yet i'll always be guarded because it still seems like its too good to be true, and I know alot can happen still. I know i'll get alot of negative comments about my pessimism, but thats just how I am. Right now, id rather not be in oblivion to things that could still happen, and then find out something has gone wrong and be completely dumbfounded. Like i've mentioned in previous posts, I like to be prepared for things. BUT, with that said, I am slowly beginning to relax more and more and I am thrilled and beyond belief and so grateful to be where I am today!
I keep looking at her ultrasound picture, and I am blown away by it. Its the most beautiful thing i've ever seen. To know that the little head in the picture is IN me, moving around and growing. I didnt feel much that way with Jadon. Mostly because the thought of labor/delivery scared the you-know-what out of me, but also because i'd only had one miscarriage and thought that i'd never have another one again. Having had several, I look at pregnancy in a completely different way now. My heart aches for women who struggle to get pregnant, or to stay pregnant. I wish with all my heart that I could do something to help them. I know how frustrating it is to feel like your body is letting you down in doing what it was created to do. To see pregnant women all over the place, to hear about people popping babies out left and right. Its such a frustrating and hopeless feeling. Its also something that so many people cannot understand. But, at the same time, there are alot of people who can understand.
When I got pregnant this time, I joined an online support group for women who are expecting after having had a loss. It has been so great to hear that I am not the only one who feels the way I feel, knowing that there are so many women out there who are pregnant and scared out of their minds that they will lose yet another baby, and at the same time, being able to share the excitement and triumph of reaching each new milestone. Seeing that I am not the only one who has horrible dates burned into my memory- Feb 2nd, the day my first little one was due. June 5th, the day I lost my first little one. Feb 17th, the day my 2nd angel baby was due. July 6th, the day my 2nd angel baby grew wings. November 1st, the day my 4th angel went to heaven.
BUT, amidst all of these bad dates, theres also some wonderful dates too: April 18th, the day Jadon was due... March 13th, the day he chose to come instead. And of course August 16th, the day I married my best friend! I'm hopeful that October 6th will be another positive date to add to my growing list of dates!
Well, I did not mean for this to go on like this. The purpose of this post was to celebrate another milestone on this crazy rollercoaster!
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