Just cant stop worrying

Well i'm 14 weeks today, and I thought maybe by now i'd start feeling a little less apprehensive about the pregnancy, but that doesnt seem to be the case.
I've started physically feeling better the last few days, which is great. However I worry that my pants dont seem to be getting tighter, and that I dont feel like i'm "growing" much, if at all. I thought with second (or more) babies you start showing much sooner? Even when I was pregnant with Jadon, I had mentioned in my journal that at 11 weeks my pants were beginning to get tight, although I didnt start wearing maternity clothes until 19 weeks.

I guess I just feel like everything has gone so well so far, that this is just too good to be true. I find myself feeling very apprehensive thinking about the future, or any farther than a few days out... like i'm going to jinx everything by letting myself get excited. The innocence is gone- I dont think I will ever be able to really "enjoy" being pregnant ever again, which is so unfortunate because I loved being pregnant with Jadon. But on the other hand, I know the things that can happen, I've read all the things that can go wrong at this point from articles, books, and real people who have experienced them, and I am glad I know so that I can be prepared should something like that happen to us.

One of my great, wise friends told me a month ago when I told her that I was still very skeptical about the prenancy, to not worry, because its out of my hands. That was really comforting to me, and I repeatedly reminded myself that over and over again throughout the rest of the first trimester. From the moment of conception, God had a plan for this little one, whether its being born healthy, or whether it never makes it that far. I have no absolutely no control over what will happen, nor do I have any idea what will happen, which I think is why its so hard to accept. I am a planner, and like to know well in advance what is going to happen in the coming weeks. It would be so nice to be able to peak into the future and know what the outcome will be. Unfortunately I cant do that, and I know its absolutely horrible, but I sometimes just assume that things wont end well with this and I start mentally preparing myself for the outcome, and the possibility that Jadon will be an only child.

I guess i'm just feeling anxious because I have my next appt. tomorrow morning, and its been a very long 3 weeks since my last one. And the GORGEOUS days we've had over the last few days have been taken over today by dreary, gray clouds, and its amazing just how much the weather can affect your mood and outlook.